


Say My Name (Help Me Recognize You)

by ichigohyun (jeyyuum)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Infidelity, M/M, flashfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24052459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeyyuum/pseuds/ichigohyun
Summary: The memory of Baekhyun coming home in the middle of the night with bruises on skin that weren’t made by him is still clear in Chanyeol’s mind.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. final

**Author's Note:**

> originally a tweetfic. title from iu's you and i

The memory of Baekhyun coming home in the middle of the night with bruises on skin that weren’t made by him is still clear in Chanyeol’s mind.

He still remembers he had gotten home that night an hour early than usual. Work completely drained the energy out of his system and so he decides that going home to get some sleep before he has to go back to the office in less than 3 hours is a better idea than do some… late-night activities.

He was surprised that night to find their front door locked. Baekhyun only locks the doors when both of them aren’t home, and it was nearly 2 am that time so there was no way that Baekhyun isn’t home. Thinking that Baekhyun might not have noticed that he had locked the doors by accident, Chanyeol ignored the thought that there isn’t anyone inside the house and just went back to his car to get the duplicate keys from the glove compartment.

He was making his way back to the front door when he realized that there was only one car—that it was only his car that’s parked in the garage; Baekhyun’s wasn’t there.

Not knowing what to do (and not planning to either), he stepped inside the house and went straight into their room to take a shower as if it will remove the traces of the previous nights’ sin.

He remembers looking through the photo albums that have been long forgotten when he could not sleep that night. His mind was wide awake and he was bothered by reasons he had only known later when he noticed that there was not even a single picture present in their house.

Or was it really like that ever since?

Didn’t they hang their wedding picture on the wall? Don’t they have a bunch of polaroid pictures taped somewhere in the house? He doesn’t remember.

(Because he actually didn’t bother to.)

And so he ended up having a stack of photo albums on his lap. It was like he was brought back to the past when he saw their pictures from high school. His hair reached his shoulders because he wanted to look like Inuyasha, while Baekhyun had that silly mullet because of Billie Ray Cyrus, which he had surprisingly managed to pull off.

College was when they had shed all the baby fats, making them look like responsible grown up men that they weren’t—at least not him. He hasn’t grown up. He’s still that immature boy from high school who never did anything right. But Baekhyun… oh how Baekhyun had turned out to be someone so responsible and independent and everything he isn’t, he doesn’t know, because if he does, then he would have now been a man deserving of everything he wants—but he isn’t.

He feels something change within him as he stares at the photos of him and his husband. He wants to try. He wants to be responsible, independent, and deserving. He wants to be someone Baekhyun wouldn’t be ashamed of bringing to company parties and family reunions. He wants to be a better person—a man—a better man. He doesn’t know the reason why at first, but now, he finally does.

Finally, he wants to be a husband.

That night, Chanyeol promised to finally be the husband he had promised Baekhyun. He promised to start being the one to make Baekhyun his coffee and cook him breakfast, do his tie before he goes to work, warm his bath for him every night, and all the things he has yet to learn.

He wants to love his husband right.

Again.

He will be the husband that he was seven years ago when time hasn’t still taken its toll on their marriage. Only this time, he will be a better version of his past self.

But also that night—or day, he really doesn’t know anymore—Baekhyun came home at nearly 4 am looking like a total mess. His hair looked like it’s been pulled on, his shirt looked like someone has tried to tear it open, and he looked like—

And he… he looked like—

The lump on Chanyeol’s throat came back and it’s just as suffocating as it was that night, because that time, it looked like they almost both had the same reason as to why they come home at such an ungodly hour.

The image that will forever be imprinted on Chanyeol’s mind plays behind his closed eyes.

That night, Baekhyun looked like he had a late-night activity as well.

Chanyeol gets up from where he is seated to wash off the dried tears that has stained his cheeks. He couldn’t even count the times he has spent his day crying because of that certain memory. It has been years ago, he keeps repeating to himself, it shouldn’t hurt that much now.

Everyone around them kept telling him to stop; that his relationship with Baekhyun was beyond repair. He was always told that what happened isn’t something that time can heal as it destroys everything you have with each other and even with yourself. It destroys how you see your partner and yourself. It’s not like Chanyeol doesn’t know that though. He doesn’t have to be told twice, he completely understands the consequences of their actions towards each other.

But Chanyeol couldn’t give up just yet. When it was him who was being foolish, Baekhyun never left his side despite knowing everything Chanyeol does behind his back. Baekhyun waited for his husband to come back to him (or as Chanyeol would like to think so). Now that Baekhyun was the one who has his wedding ring hidden somewhere in the closet, Chanyeol will be the one to wait for him this time.

He will bring his husband back.

Chanyeol would like to think that there is a reason Baekhyun hasn’t thrown his ring away.

He will bring Baekhyun back where he belongs: in this house, seated in front of Chanyeol in the kitchen table as they talk about how far they have gotten like the old times. 

Like he does every day as he watches the orange skies slowly fading to black from the window, he calls his husband’s phone, not really expecting for Baekhyun to answer as he couldn’t really remember the last time it happened.

When the call reaches the voicemail, he would, like he does every day, ask what he wants for dinner and what time will he come home. He would tell him to drive safely and come home early. He would tell him that he misses him. He would tell him that he misses him so much and that he loves him. Chanyeol is only fooling himself at this point because he isn’t even sure if Baekhyun listens to them. Baekhyun rarely comes home and Chanyeol doesn’t want to ruin it by asking if his calls get to him.

However, today, Baekhyun answers the phone after the third ring.

Surprised, confused, and wanting to cry, Chanyeol couldn’t speak for a moment. Was it really Baekhyun? Is he finally talking to him after so long?

“Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol cries because he hears his name from the voice he has missed so much. He cries because he hears a car engine turning off and a front door opening. He cries because he hears familiar footsteps in the kitchen and the sound of the legs of a table chair scratching the floor.

He didn’t get to answer Baekhyun on the phone as he rushes outside their bedroom, heart pounding and hope blooming in his chest because finally, he gets to see Baekhyun on his usual spot. Like before.

Chanyeol hopes for this to be the start of everything going back to how they were before.

He freezes on his spot as he sees Baekhyun sitting there, effortlessly being breathtaking as he stares at the papers he is holding.

He laughs because he did bring Baekhyun back where he belongs: in this house, seated in the kitchen table and he knows that they will talk about how _far_ they have gotten for it to still be fixed.

The memory of Baekhyun coming home with a pen and paper to end everything with him will now be as clear as the memory of Baekhyun coming home in the middle of the night with bruises on skin that weren’t made by him.


	2. alternative ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol realized late that the only place he’d rather be is beside Baekhyun, but maybe it isn't too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per [Eroselin](https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1728755)'s request, here's an alternative ending. happy reading! <3

It all started when Chanyeol took responsibility for something that should have never happened in the first place.

It was a drunken mistake; a poor and overused excuse but Chanyeol should have known that a night out with his friends will be the cause of his remorse for the years to come after. He was on top of his career back then—getting promoted twice within a year despite being new to the company and so his friends insisted that it’s something to be celebrated over a few drinks.

He remembers seeing Baekhyun’s name on his phone screen that night they were seated at the back of the club, probably calling to ask him when he’ll get home. He remembers staring at it until his friends take it away from his hands, pushing one of the dancers onto his lap and telling him to stop waiting for a husband that is married to his work. Chanyeol remembers not defending Baekhyun, maybe because of the grudge he himself holds against the latter.

Or maybe it was because of the girl on his lap, Chanyeol doesn’t really remember as he was ashamed of remembering how he had done his husband wrong when he finds out the truth, but he should have known better than to think he could escape from his mistakes even in his own mind. 

Chanyeol wanted to scream. Even remembering it feels so wrong. He knows it was something that has happened in the past—he had never done it again in the recent years in hopes of having his husband back again, but how could a painful memory that is seemingly there still manage to devour you whole?

Painful—he feels disgusted at himself for even thinking that it was a painful memory. It wasn’t painful to him when he was there, it wasn’t painful to him the first time he places his hands on another person’s waist, it wasn’t painful to him when he justified to himself that what he was doing isn’t detrimental—that what he’s doing is just simply fulfilling his needs his husband failed to provide.

Chanyeol made himself believe that it was human nature—just so he wouldn’t call it cheating because he’s a coward who can’t own up to his mistakes if everything goes wrong.

He should’ve known that he would be the one to be at the receiving end of his actions because it now feels so wrong to know that it once had felt right; that he once thought of it as something he was doing for himself.

Or maybe it was. Indeed, it was for himself, but he was foolish to think that he was doing himself a favor back then by getting everything he thinks he deserves on his own just because his husband is busy prioritizing other things than him, because when his illusion was shattered, it was then he realized that the only thing he did for himself was to put him in a place he doesn’t want to be in.

Chanyeol realized too late that the only place he’d rather be is beside Baekhyun.

This all started when Chanyeol took responsibility for something that should have never happened in the first place, because he can be a coward again and run away from Baekhyun and the consequences of his actions. 

Baekhyun gave him the chance to leave—if the divorce papers in his hands isn’t any indication that his husband is giving him the chance to start anew without suffering through the damage he has brought upon himself because Baekhyun was an angel like that. 

He can be a coward again, he wouldn’t have to face the pain of seeing the love you held dear late slip away in front of your eyes if he chose not to take responsibility for his mistakes. But Chanyeol realized too late that he doesn’t want to.

Chanyeol doesn’t want to be free from the pain—he wants to be a better husband.

And so now that he sits in front of the person he wants to make himself better for, he finds himself reaching for the papers in Baekhyun’s hands, putting it on top of his own copy, and stares at the words that seems to be screaming at him for not giving his husband the change to be finally happy.

_ Petition for Dissolution of Marriage _

Chanyeol flips the papers over, clicking the pen he was playing on his other hand and positions it to write on the blank page. He hands the paper back to Baekhyun when he’s done, reaching for his pocket to get Baekhyun’s ring that he found hidden somewhere in the closet and places it on the table. 

Baekhyun stares at him after reading what he’s written on the form, Chanyeol takes it as a chance to speak.

“I’ll keep on choosing you this time, Baek. I promise you, I will do it right this time.”

Chanyeol’s heart soars when his husband reaches for his ring.

“Okay.”

Baekhyun wears the ring on his finger where it once belonged.

  
  
  
  


_ Baekhyun-ah, _

_ If looking back is painful, and looking forward is scary,  _ _  
_ _ then look beside you. _

_ This time, that’s where I’ll always be. _


End file.
